Okay, so let's just start with the basics here: I've had the biggest, weirdest crush on Jeremy Irons forever. Don't judge: I'm totally not the only one. In the dapper older British dudes category, Jeremy Iron rates right up there with Hugh Laurie. He's cool as a cucumber and he's a fantastic actor, not to mention an impeccable dresser. In interviews he's smart as hell without being too pretentious, and he has perhaps the single greatest voice in the known universe.
In case you're unfamiliar with this Jeremy Irons, he's mostly known for his films: Brideshead Revisited, Dead Ringers, Damage, and Lolita, to name a few. He's almost always playing a wry, sexed-up British dude, which, as you can imagine, he does perfectly. He's also acted in tons of theatre, and, fun fact, was the voice of Scar in The Lion King. I've always loved his movies, and his most recent role as Pope Alexander VI in The Borgias has been astounding so far.
In summation, I love Jeremy Irons. So you can imagine my shock yesterday morning, when I hear he's been saying some patently ignorant shit on the interwebs. In an interview with the Huffington Post, Irons expressed his concern that if same-sex marriage is legalized, people will totally get married to their immediate family members.
This is an unfortunately common fallacy often employed by equal rights opponents who want to back up their bigotry with something they think sounds like logic. I would expect it from them. But Jeremy Irons? My progressive British dreamboat? Why, Jeremy? Why?
My reaction to the loss of my idealized version of Jeremy Irons was pretty typical of the five stages of grief.
First, I was in denial.
"This couldn't be true," I thought to myself. "Someone must have taken some quote out of context somewhere and then the internet got all upset about it." So I listened to the entire interview--all 32 minutes of it--to try and find what I was sure was the real context behind what he was saying.
But there was none. He was just straight up saying that same-sex marriage would fuck up marriage for everybody and inevitably lead to incest. When the interview ended, I swiftly moved on to Step 2: Anger.
What in the actual fuck, Jeremy Irons? You must be aware there's a difference between same-sex marriage between partners and marriage between a father and his son. You have kids. You have an IQ above 80. There's no way you're that stupid and/or ignorant. And anyway, how dare you? Nobody asked for your opinion or your "worry" about the state of other peoples' marriages. Nobody's trying to fuck around with your marriage--which, by the way, is your second, so by your logic, who's to say that you won't fall down that slippery slope and divorce your kids?
But once I cooled down, along came Stage 3: Bargaining.
"Maybe what he said wasn't so bad", I actually thought to myself. "Maybe he really meant to say something else and slipped up. Interviews are stressful, and he seems like a somewhat private person. Maybe he just misspoke, and is the same Jeremy Irons as the one that lives in my heart?" What can I say. Grief is a strong persuader.
It didn't take long before I could no longer stomach trying to put a bow on a turd and call it a Christmas present, and I inevitably moved on to Stage 4: Depression.
Everything was horrible. Not only had I lost one of my favorite imaginary crushes, but the battle for equality had proved itself to be even more dire today than it was yesterday. I mean, I know the anti-equality camp is huge and powerful, but come on. If Jeremy Irons is going to spout this ignorant shit, it could be anywhere!
But, as they say, time heals all wounds, and I have since moved on to the Final Stage: Acceptance.
Okay. So Jeremy Irons isn't who I imagined him to be, and does, in fact, believe some ignorant bullshit. I have come to terms with this fact, and I'm going to be okay. We're all going to be okay. Plus, this whole ordeal introduced me to the fact that Jeremy Irons happens to have an incredibly gorgeous son.
Yeah, I think that's a fair trade.