Charlie Sheen Wants To Be Lindsay Lohan's Mentor

File this under "How Could This Go Wrong?"


To be fair, Sheen has already done a great deal to help LiLo out. He gave her $100,000 to help pay her taxes (Hey Charlie, pay my taxes too?) and gave her a guest spot on his show Anger Management. Lord knows this girl needs all the screen time she can get that doesn't include her sitting in court.

Well bless Charlie's heart, because now he's telling TMZ he's ready to step up and be her mentor! If Charlie can get himself off the booze, drugs and whores, then he's the man to get Lindsay to stop being a drunk and drugged up whore, right?

I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not.

She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who’s been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey.

If she listens, she’ll win. If she doesn’t, that’s on her.

I love her, I respect her, and I’ve never laid a finger on her that wasn’t on film. How ya like me now, America?
— Charlie Sheen

We're slightly disappointed Charlie didn't throw in a "#WINNING" during that little speech. Also, was anyone accusing Charlie of laying a finger or any other parts on her? That statement seemed a little out of place...

Anyone with half a brain recognizes LiLo should take his offer, but Lindsay is not exactly known as the Queen of Good Decisions. She turned down a $500K+ offer for Dancing with the Stars, which made us scratch our heads. She's turning down TV time AND money that she desperately needs? That must have been the drugs talking.

We say Lindsay should take Charlie up on his offer, but sadly, she'll turn it down and insist she doesn't need any help.

Oh, need all the help you can get.