Once upon a time, Joe Jonas ruled the teen world with The Jonas Brothers and lived a happy, purity-ring filled life. Now he is the upcoming star of his own hardcore BDSM sex tape, presumed to be released April 3. I am not going to argue about whether or not this tape exists or as Joe promises, is a total lie, because who are we really kidding? Here are the reasons why I am not at all surprised that Joe Jonas made a sex tape:
1. He dated Taylor Swift. This is always the first symptom of a downhill spiral!
2. He started his career on the Disney Channel. I am not even going to mumble names under my breath.
3. He starred in not one, but two Disney Channel musical movies and was then outdone by co-star Demi Lovato with her coke-filled breakdown and subsequent comeback in The X-Factor. Will America's Got Talent even have him when this sex tape scandal blows over?
4. He is the middle child and so he has obvious attention-seeking issues.
5. Had a cameo in bro Kevin's reality show Married to Jonas. There is nothing like being a secondary character in a reality show to remind you that you aren't as famous as you thought (why do you think Audrina made that god-awful reality show she cleverly named Audrina?) Joe got jealous and had to step up his game. News flash Joe, a sex tape isn't the same thing as a reality show...
6. His dad used to be an ordained minister at the Assemblies of God Church and he got a purity ring. Need a say more? Have you seen The Preachers' Daughters? This was inevitable.
7. He tried to make it as a solo artist after The Jonas Brothers lost steam. Former boy band members shouldn't be allowed to go off into the world alone. Not everyone can be JT. Does he remember what happened to Nick Carter?
So just grin and bear it Joe. This was bound to happen and now it has. Just think of how Kim Kardashian's career really took off after her sex tape? Whether this is a cry for help or a publicity stunt, it definitely worked.