What to Watch Tonight: Monday Edition

It's Monday, AKA The Worst Day of the Week! Let's take a look at what's on TV tonight to help you ease your pain.

Dancing with the Stars


8PM, ABC; Season Premiere:  The couples perform for the judges.

Isn't that what they're going to do every week? Let's start taking bets now, how many episodes till Andy Dick is voted off?

The Secret Life of the American Teenager


8PM, ABC Family:  Amy finds what she believes to be the perfect wedding dress at a thrift store.

The Following


9PM, FOX  Past followers return.

Isn't that what they've been doing? Returning and killing?

Bates Motel


10PM, A&E; Series Premiere:  Widow Norma Bates and her shy teenage son, Norman, seek a fresh start in a coastal town filled with secrets

I'm pretty sure it's Norma Bates and Norman who are filled with secrets. Secrets and serious mental health issues.

Teen Mom 2


10PM, MTV:  Chelsea is frustrated about moving.

I'm just frustrated with Chelsea.

FBI: Criminal Pursuit


(10PM, ID:  The FBI rushes to save an 11 year old girl from a sexual sadist who kidnaps young girls on interstate 10.

Look, I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but what's an 11 year old girl doing wandering around on interstate 10?

I'll be watching Dancing with the Stars tonight, because my money is on Andy Dick being the first to be eliminated.