God Help Us: Courtney Stodden Wins the New Hollywood Starlet Award

Call me old fashion, but win I hear "Hollywood Starlet," I think of this:


And this:


Also this:


But I don't care how much alcohol or drugs you ply me with, never will I EVER think of this as synonymous with "Hollywood Starlet": 

The dog has a better shot, honestly...

The dog has a better shot, honestly...

Don't recognize this hot mess $2 looking prostitute? It's fame whore Courtney Stodden, famous for wearing lots of make up, having zero talent and marrying a 51 year old when she was 16!

For whatever reason (we're thinking a really bad LSD trip) the 2nd Annual Who's Who Awards in West Hollywood awarded Stodden with the "New Hollywood Starlet" award. Which means we're giving zero credibility to this Who's Who nonsense. That, or there was literally no one else up for the award.

Like, what is THIS?:

Courtney, your representation of bunnies has personally offended my pet bunny, Prometheus. I'd like you to apologize to him...

Just kidding, look at all the damns he doesn't give

Just kidding, look at all the damns he doesn't give

I wasn't sure what the credentials were to win such an, uh, esteemed award as this one, so I had to do a little digging....annnnd if this (we're going to go ahead and say this is NSFW because of some exposed male butts...CBS would definitely have an issue with this) is anything to go by, the category didn't even exist last year, so you go, Courtney!

What’s hysterical is that Stodden is still claiming her body is all natural. Right, I know all about puberty and growth spurts, but you’re going to have me believe that in just one year, you went from having the chest of a little boy to a porn star rack?

The plastic straps are extra classy!

The plastic straps are extra classy!

That thing you’re selling, Courtney…I’m not buying it.

Of course, once you get on the Fame Whore Express, you’ve got to keep loading up the coal to keep that baby going. In an effort to “prove” that she’s never had plastic surgery, Stodden went on the Dr. Drew show for a live ultrasound of her chest.

Spoiler Alert: They find the implant and then ignore it once Stodden states that she’s never had plastic surgery, so someone must have drugged her and performed the surgery on her.

Right, I forgot, this is America; Instead of waking up in a bathtub full of ice and a kidney missing, you wake up with bigger, perkier boobs.

Totally legit.

All in all, I have to put my glass of Haterade down for a moment and tip my hat to Courtney. Congrats on that award...I think?