To absolutely no ones surprise, (and to the cries of relief from One Direction fan girls) Taylor Swift is single.
How could this have happened? Wasn't it only a short (really short, actually) while ago when she and her prince charming, Harry Styles, were re-enacting Dirty Dancing?
Weren't they just locking lips (much to the anguished moans of One Direction fan girls) while ringing in the New Years? (Psst! He's the one in the fluffy little hat.)
What follows after is just a bunch of he said, she said, but Taylor has been known to try and turn relationships very serious, very fast. She's expressed concern that she'll never know "true love" ( sounds like an STD to us...) and is desperate to find her prince charming. Which in turn, makes her try to transform every guy she dates into her prince charming.
Taylor, honey. You're 23. Calm down. If you were 45, overweight and had a lisp (if you are 45, overweight and have a lisp, that's cool, do your thang) I would suggest maybe trying out Match.com or whatever. But you're not. You're 23, talented and gorgeous.
Did we mention Swift has gone through 12 guys in the past 4 years? Peep this list:
- Joe Jonas
- Taylor Lautner
- Lucas Till (You Belong With Me Co-Star)
- John Mayer
- Cory Monteith (Rumored)
- Toby Hemingway (Who!?)
- Jake Gyllenhaal (No more apple picking and coffee dates)
- Zac Efron (Rumored, but Ellen made a decree that they did, so who are we to argue?
- Garrett Hedlund
- Eddie Redmayne
- Conor Kennedy
- Harry Styles
I guess the one benefit is that these guys keep Tay-Tay inspired. Come on Taylor, no one is buying that "Dear John" isn't about John Mayer and "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" isn't about Jakey boy. Kudos, though, Jake was your longest running paramour, topping it off at a year together!
We think T-Swift needs to focus on herself and writing music that isn't about boys that break her heart or her ongoing search for her prince charming. However, we do have a suitor we'd like to suggest for her:
HAHAHAHA, aren't we a riot? If you need us, we'll be in our underground bunker, preparing for the Belieber onslaught.
We think we hear their battle cries already...
Hit us with your thoughts on #TayBer on Twitter at @Insticator_Inc