Here at Insticator, we like to follow some basic rules of etiquette. You know, ladies first, and all that jazz. So we did just that and told you what we think girls need to stop doing in 2013 first. Fellas...it's your turn. :-D
1. Using Cat Calls as Means to Pick Up the Ladies
Did someone tell you this shit works? If so, that person hates you and was trying to sabotage you into looking like a giant douchebag (it worked.)
Cat Calling is going to bring you in zero ladies because:
- You're showing that your IQ is the same as the IQ of your penis (as in, 0.)
- You're showing that you're a crude and vulgar asshole.
- You're putting yourself in the same category as construction workers.
Ask yourself how many construction workers are getting some action from the ladies they're heckling...
...You're thinking too hard, the answer is zero, idiot.
A few years ago, I was minding my own damn business when some random guy shouts at me "YO, MA!" Seeing as I am nobodies mother, least of all his, I kept it movin'. Said gentleman wasn't too happy about this and followed it up with "YO, LITTLE BITCH!"
Hoooold up. You're "YO, MA!" didn't have me dropping my panties, but you think calling me a little bitch is gonna do the trick?
It's funny, when I shouted back "YO, LITTLE DICK!" he suddenly wasn't interested in me anymore.
2. Being Baby Daddies
It's sad that we even had to put this one on the list. Fellas, sit your asses down and watch a few episodes of Teen Mom 2. Do those dudes look like they are having the greatest time ever? No. They are miserable, dried up husks who wished they had gotten a vasectomy, rather than sold their souls to be on MTV.
Oh wait, but the girl told you she was on birth control so it's okay to skip the condom? One moment please.
If you're one of those ding dongs that falls for this line, please get a vasectomy now, this way we can rest easy that none of your moronic offspring will be inflicted on this world.
Look, we're not even going to get into the fact that condoms prevent, you know, diseases and shit. But ask yourself if the 5-10 minutes (ooooh, look at you big boy, lasting 10 whole minutes! *swoon*) of having sex sans condom because it feels better for you is worth the damage it's going to do to your finances for approximately the next two decades.
Shit, are you even ready to become a father? You're not even ready to put a ring on it, so I'm highly doubting your dad skillz.
Oh, you'll get married later down the line? That's cute. Let's look at Kanye West. Homeboy is FUCKED. He impregnated the most fame whoriest bitch out there and anyone who says this relationship is going to last needs to put the bottle of Jack down and go home. When (not if) this ship sinks, Hustling Mom of the Year Kris Jenner is gonna make sure Kim sucks every last dollar off of West via child support. Kris Jenner couldn't be more pleased.
3. Wearing Pants Below Your Ass (AKA Sagging Pants)
Where the fuck did you guys get this fashion tip from? The homeless dude on 59th who will give you a handy for some spare change? I hope you at least make the bum sanitize his hands first.
Wearing your pants that low doesn't even look comfortable! This look screams "I don't even have the brain cells required to know where pants are supposed to go, and I also have a strong desire to go nowhere in life." Having trouble walking? Here's a novel thought: GET A BELT AND WEAR YOUR PANTS OVER YOUR ASS, JUST AS GOD INTENDED.
I don't give a fuck if you're wearing $50,000 Chanel boxers, made from the silk of silk worms that fed on a diet of diamonds, (you're probably gay if you do have a pair of these) no one wants to see it, so do us all a favor and pull your fucking pants up.
4. Poking Girls on Facebook
Guys, you're not fooling anyone. When you randomly poke a girl on Facebook, they know you want a one way ticket to Bang Town.
And it's creepy as fuck. You come off like this:
Look, if it's your girlfriend or your wife, POKE AWAY! Poke to your hearts content, poke till you can't poke anymore! But when it's a female that you haven't even spoken to in person for a while, get away from the damn poke button.
Even if you're the shy type and think poking her would be a cute way to say hello, don't do it. It's not. It immediately sends the signal "I would like to touch my private parts to your private parts, even though I haven't seen you in 15 months."
Here's a pro tip, just copy and paste this on to the wall of your intended and make changes as needed: Hey (NAME), I was just thinking about (Insert story where you guys did something hilarious/exciting together that isn't sexual) and it made me realize I haven't seen you in a while! Let me know when you're free, we should (Insert non-threatening, non-creepy hang out) soon!"
Boom. You're welcome. Oh, and bring a condom, just in case she's a slut.
5. Getting Married Without a Prenup
I don't understand how guys in this day and age are still cool to go ahead into marriage without a prenup. I think the choice is pretty clear cut, no?
Like, if I offered you the choice of a million dollars or slathering your body in honey and then releasing you in to a bear den, you'd pick the million dollars, right?
You'd pick the honey and the bears? You kinky bastard...
Look, a prenup doesn't just cover your ass going into a marriage, it covers your ass when you're exiting one. Let me tell you, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and once you've pissed that bitch off into Filing-for-Divorceland, she is going to do everything possible to make your life a living hell, and that includes taking all your money.
You don't need to be a cash money millionaire to think a prenup is an essential thing to have. Trust me, if all you have to your name is a piggy bank with $64.23, she will come for that.
So get a prenup, idiots. Or, in the case of my future husband, don't. Don't worry honey...we'll be married forever, our love doesn't need a prenup. ;)
So those are the top 5 things guys need to stop doing in 2013. I asked one of my guy friends and he said guys need to (and this is verbatim) "stop jizzing in their pants." I had no idea this was such an issue with you guys. Just let it be said that if Fox News is breaking a story about a pant jizzing epidemic, you heard it here first!
Now we want your take, Insticators! Tell us the top 5 things you think guys should stop doing this year in the comments or hit us up on Facebook!