I'm a little sad that the second season of VH1's Couples Therapy is over. I mean, where else can I watch pseudo celebrities deal with their pseudo dramas? (HAHAHAHA, NOPE, DEF NO OTHER SHOWS OUT THERE LIKE THAT HAHAHAHA) I think the only thing that could have made this season 100% spectacular would have been if we replaced Dr. Jenn with Dr. Drew.
Let's peep my top 3 couples that I've loved or hated (a deep, deep, seething hatred from the 7th layer of hell) this past season:
Nik Richie and Shayne Lamas
What they're "famous" for: Shayne Llamas, most known for being actor Lorenzo Lamas's daughter and
for winning the twelfth season of The Bachelor, and Nik Richie, creator
of the popular tabloid website TheDirty, married each other in Las Vegas
only eight hours after they met. I am shocked they needed to seek couples therapy, cause this sounds like a story straight out of a Disney movie.
From the very beginning, I loved this couple. I think mainly because I felt like Shayne was my kindred spirit (or spirit animal, I don't know, I always get those two mixed up) because most of her side time with the camera was spent bitching about another individual that we'll get to later. Seriously, whenever Shayne was having one of these moments, I was all like "I'm witchu on this one, guuuuurl."
I felt compassion for Nik. I know the guy runs a sleazeball website, but he was trying his hardest to connect with Shayne, only for her to basically take a huge dump all over it. Every time Nik would try and console her or do something romantic for her, her reaction was similar to Mel Gibson's reaction if you told him Jesus was Jewish.
It all worked out for my honey pies in the end, with Nik giving Shayne the wedding "she deserves." I mean, who wouldn't want their therapist at their wedding, right?
Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen
What they're "famous" for: The Real Housewives of New York (Seasons 1 - 4)
If you think Simon's name is pretentious as all hell, check their kids names: Francois and Johan van Kempen. They haven't even graduated elementary school yet and they have them speaking French! Don't quote me or source me on this. In fact, you should NEVER quote or source me, what's wrong with you?
Simon spent the majority of the season being Captain Doucheface. I got a serious case of the LOL's when Simon says he wishes Alex would use her voice more, because dude is ALWAYS interrupting her.
I got a big ol' case of the sads when Alex reveals she was a child when her father died, and the emotional strain it put between her and her mother. Dr. Jenn had Alex's mom come on for a session and the ladies worked things out. This gave me a case of the happys. :) :) :)
Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison
What they're "famous" for: NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. OBVIOUSLY A HIGHER POWER IS DISPLEASED WITH US BECAUSE THIS IS A PLAGUE THAT HAS BEEN SENT TO KILL US ALL.
Okay, that's kind of unfair. Doug was kind of famous. He appeared in The Green Mile and as some creepy guy in Lost. Then, at 51, he married a 16 year old Courtney Stodden. It's cool, her MOM signed papers making it legal.
I would like to take this moment that the phrase "He's old enough to be her father" is more than true. He is, in fact, older than her father.
I could paint you a fresco of why I want Courtney to pack her bags and get back on the ho-train she rode in on, but that shit would take too long and I know y'all wanna enjoy your Friday. Watch (as much as you can, I know it's hard stuff to watch) to get an idea of how Courtney acts, speaks and dresses every.damn.day:
On a group outing to a bowling alley, Shayne gives a felt 'round the world eye roll at Court who goes bowling in 8 inch lucite heels. You know who wears lucite heels?
I hope you all appreciate that picture, you know how hard it is to find a safe for work picture of strippers!?
Anyway, the duo refers to themselves as "Dourtney" which makes everyone in the house (and myself) want to vomit. The couple actually have to leave the house because Courtney refuses to put some damn clothing on and defends her actions, comparing herself to Erin Brockovich.
The pair return after just one episode, because Courtney figures out it's actually not that hard to put some clothing on that isn't made for turning tricks. Unfortunately, I don't think these two are going anywhere anytime soon. Doug's family has disowned him, so Courtney is going to milk every opportunity like an expert farmer. Just muffle your ears when you see her coming, the stuff that comes out of her mouth literally lowers IQ's.
What's your take, Insticators? Were these the top 3 couples of the season, or do you see it differently? Discuss your favorite moments below!