If you're my parents, you've spent the last 2 months hearing me shriek "WHAT!?" "OHMYGOD" and "I KNEW IT!" from around 9 PM to 10 PM on Sunday nights. If you're my parents you're also wondering where you went wrong with raising me, but that's another story.
Sundays from 9 PM to 10 PM have become a "Do not fucking talk to me because I know how to kill a person 327 ways with just my face" time zone, and it's the fault of AMC's The Walking Dead. This season has been packed full of great plot movement and jaw dropping moments, so much so that I'm actually okay with waiting till February when the rest of Season 3 picks up again. Why do they split their seasons and make loyal viewers wait months for their return? Because I'm pretty sure the folks at AMC are Satanists, that's why.
With that being said, let's discuss this kick ass season thus far.
Let's start off with a moment of silence, for our fallen homie T-Dog. T-Dog went out like a BOSS (seriously, did you see how those Walkers tore into? Like watching LiLo tear into some coke) while protecting Carols life. T-Dog, I'm spilling a little of my 40 oz on the ground for you, man.
Now, you're probably going to call me a cold heartless beeotch for this next statement (and that's okay, because I am a cold heartless beeotch), but I rejoiced when Lori bit the dust. I actually referred to her as "Lori Who Needs To Eat A Cheeseburger or 5" because honestly, she did. Even whilst pregnant, I was all "Someone get this chick a few Happy Meals".
That's not what annoyed me about Lori, though. It was her garbage parenting skills. Seriously, the last time I saw parenting so bad was back in the 90's watching Are You Afraid of the Dark? Where were these kids parents while their kids were sneaking into the middle of cornfields at midnight? It's statistically proven (somewhere, maybe) that serial killers lurk in cornfields at midnight.
Rick: (About to leave and do something heroic) Lori, keep Carl safe, make sure he stays in the house.
Lori: (To Carl) Carl, stay in the house.
(Lori, assuming that by telling her child to stay in the house means he'll actually do it, proceeds to wander off and be moody)
Rick: I'm back, but danger is headed this way! We need to go! Where's Carl!?
Lori: (Looks around, realizes Carl is indeed not in the house but about to get chomped on by a Walker because the little idiot couldn't just stay in the house) CARL!!!
We were also graced with her Queen Highness of Badassery, Michonne. She swoops in with her ninja sword of doom and saves Andrea's life like it ain't no thing AND has figured out how to have Walkers as pets! This chick figured out a way to disarm Walkers while keeping them around her which throws other Walkers off her scent. Someone get this woman a Nobel Peace Prize.
I'm not going to waste precious internet space talking about how Daryl has really stepped it up in this group and has come a long way since we first met him, so here's a pretty picture of him to look at:
Then we met The Governor, who is sexy in a creepy "I still keep my Walker daughter locked up and like to brush her hair, I also keep heads in fish tanks" kind of way.
The Gov comes off all wholesome and stuff to Andrea and Michonne when they're lead to his little...village, town, whatever (more on how Andrea and Michonne got there in a moment, calm your panties) but Michonne, being the Queen of Badassery immediately detects something is off when her B.S. Detection Meter goes nuts around The Gov and of course she's right. He promises a recovered soldier that he'll look for his troupe and bring them back safely if he just gives The Gov their location.
Yeah, okay, that sounds nice of you, Gov. Oh wait, instead he kills them, takes their supplies and then makes up a story back at home base about how they were already dead. I know times are tough during a zombie apocalypse, but damn that was cold.
Michonne tries to reason with Andrea that they should leave the camp, but Andrea has gone all 4th grade crush on The Gov and isn't moving. Michonne gives Andrea a "peace out" before...peacing out.
If you've been watching this show since Season 1, you've undoubtedly wondered when Daryl's older brother, Merle, was going to reappear. You know, the guy who in Season 1 was handcuffed to the roof because he was a racist asshole and ultimately had to cut his own hand off to escape. Well guess what...
He's back and they gave that mothertrucker a freakin' SABRE for a hand replacement. Yes, good, this will work out for everyone.
Merle comes across Michonne and Andrea after a Walker attack and takes them back to the camp in hopes of finding out where his brother is from Andrea. Andrea honestly has no idea where Daryl is, because you'll recall she got separated from the group last season. She does end up doing the nasty with The Gov, unaware of just how much of a psychopath homeboy is.
It's fine though, Merle will get his information another way. Glen and Maggie go out for a baby formula run for the baby Lori sacrificed her life for, because I mean WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!? LOLOLOL.
Oh wait, Merle runs into them and takes them hostage and tortures them till Maggie gives up the prison location. YAY FOR TORTURE. Unbeknownst to Camp Delusional is that Michonne has met up with Rick and Co. and is bringing them for an explosive showdown. I forgot to mention that Rick had a bit of a meltdown and was having imaginary conversations on the prison phone, but cut the guy some slack. I have a breakdown when I realize I need to go up a pant size, I can only imagine what happens when you lose your wife and kill your best friend.
Last night was an epic battle royale, culminating with Michonne making her way in The governor's secret lair and finding his Walker daughter. The Gov pleads for his daughter's life (psst, dude, she's dead already!) but Michonne isn't buying what he's selling and rams her ninja sword of doom straight through little Penny's head. The two tango (read as: fight and stab each other with glass) as Andrea walks in. Michonne basically tells Andrea that she needs a dose of "Wake-the-hell-up" and walks away like the badass she is.
The mid-season finale ended with The Governor being pissed at Merle. Like, really pissed. Mostly because Merle lied to him and told him he had killed Michonne, when WOOPS that wasn't true. His solution? Throw Merle and Daryl into the ring to fight to the death. Merle for being a traitor and Daryl for being a "terrorist". I could be wrong, but I think The Gov is extra pissed because Michonne stabbed him in the eye with a piece of glass and we all know the hell one is plunged into when an eyelash gets stuck in their, amirite?
Well, Merle really wanted to be reunited with his brother, so that happened, right?
In my always humble opinion, when the show comes back in February, I think Daryl is the one walking out as the winner. Sure, some epic distraction/rescue mission could happen that distracts everyone and both brothers go free, but ultimately I think Merle is going to bite it in the 2nd half of the season.
What are your thoughts, Insticators? Discuss what you think is going to happen!