Having Fun with The Westboro Baptist Church

(This blog post also could have been called "I think I now have a crush on the group known as Anonymous")

Have you heard of the trash known as the Westboro Baptist Church? Let's clear some things up if you haven't:

  1. They are in no way shape or form affiliated with the two largest Baptist denominations, the Baptist World Alliance (BWA) and the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC).
  2. BWA and SBC have denounced the Westboro Baptist Church for years.
  3. This "church" is mostly comprised of it's founder's family, Fred Phelps.

These are the assholes who go around protesting at soldier's funerals and Jewish establishments. They carry anti-gay and pro-death signs. Let's get down to brass tacks here:

Anything that can kill you, the Westboro Baptist Church supports.

Fairly common signs are "God Hates America", "Thank God for Dead Soldiers", "God is your Enemy", "Fags Die, God Laughs", "God Hates Gaga" and "Thank God for Breast Cancer." Seriously.

You're probably wondering why these little kids are holding these signs. That's because their parents start the brainwashing at an early age, y'all. 

You're probably wondering why these little kids are holding these signs. That's because their parents start the brainwashing at an early age, y'all. 

My favorite (I use the word facetiously, folks) is when they go around stomping on American flags and yelling about how much God hates America. Isn't it just so damn ironic that the country that gives them the right to free speech is the one they hate? I think we should ship them off to the Middle East and try their routine there. See how far they get...

By now, you're probably wondering what the hell their problem is. They believe that God is angry with the way Americans are living their lives and he's bestowing death upon us till we change our ways. It doesn't stop at punishing the gays, the Jews and our soldiers, oh no. God is punishing us by killing the innocents. Remember that terrible shooting of the Amish school girls a few years ago? Westboro praised the sick man who was the cause of the shootings. She appeared on Hannity and Colmes to back this statement up and let me tell you, I don't think I have ever agreed with a thing that has come out of Sean Hannity's mouth before, but there's always an exception to the rule (sorry for the quality!):

So you've got the gist of them now. Well, a few days ago, these sick fucks came out with this statement:

Westboro will picket Sandy Hook Elementary School to sing praise to God for the glory of his work in executing his judgment.
— The Sick Sub-humans of the Westboro Baptist Church

I was infuriated, (I'm sure you are too, now) that these monsters would dare to say such a thing after the terrible tragedy that occurred in Connecticut this past Friday. Apparently, someone felt the same way I did and took a little action. This brings us to our alternate blog title.

Anonymous is a loosely associated group of hacktivists. With a credo like "We are Anonymous, We are legion, We never forgive, We never forget, Expect us. Right behind you," I would certainly not want to get on their bad side.

Oh, and get on their bad side is exactly what Westboro did.

Anonymous took one look at that statement and launched into action. The result was the leak of information about the church and it's members. Their phone numbers, e-mail addresses and actual addresses.

You can find that information here. : )

I know some initial reactions would be to go burn their houses down, but there are lots of things we can do instead that won't get us in jail or sink us down to their gross level. Let me present you with a list of Do's and Do Not's.

Thank you, Anonymous. Bless you.

Thank you, Anonymous. Bless you.

DO sign this petition. It will legally recognize the Westboro Baptist Church as a hate group. They pose a threat to the welfare and treatment of others and will not improve without some form of imposed regulation.

DO remind them to rise nice and early to praise their God. It's never too early in the morning or too late at night to praise the lord, so you should probably set a wake up call for them, now that you have their phone numbers. I suggest using WakerUpper or WakeUpDialer. I can't stress enough how it's a good time to praise the lord at all hours of the day.

DO NOTorder pizza or any other food to their homes. This may seem funny, but it's really just going to put the delivery guy in an awkward situation.

DO help them expand their literary knowledge. I think we have an opportunity to educate, here. Sign them up for a yearly subscription to Jewish, Islamic, Pro-Gay and American Soldier magazines and literature.

Also, gay porn. Lots and lots of gay porn.

DO NOT leave a flaming pile of dog poo on their doorstep. I juggled with this one for a bit, as seeing these pieces of filth get filth on their person would make me giggle. However, these individuals (most likely the result of inbreeding) strike me as the type of people to own guns and would shoot trespassers.

DO donate in their name. God is all about helping others, so this should be a big plus for the Westboro lot. Make sure to sign it in their name and include their address, e-mail and phone number so that the foundation can properly thank them! Here are a few choices to get you started, but let your imagination run wild: 

This is just to get you started, I hope you Insticators will share some of your own ideas in the comments below. Now, let's all enjoy this video of Russell Brand being a class act during an interview with 2 members of the "church."

Stay classy, Insticators.