If you live in the great area known as New York City, don't be shocked to see a bunch of Santas, Elves, Sugarplum Faeries or some other holiday nonsense running around the city tomorrow. That's because it's 2012 SantaCon. What is SantaCon? According to their website:
No, this video below is a much more accurate description of what SantaCon is:
Basically, people get dressed up in a festive manner and go bar hopping. SantaCon insists it's not a Bar Crawl, but if you want to call a goldfish a unicorn, well that's your business.
I come from a university where students didn't need an excuse to dress up out of the norm and go drinking (whaddup my fellow Bearcats!) We did that shit on the regular, so I'm kind of an expert in this field. Therefor, let me bring you your unofficial 2012 SantaCon Etiquette Guide.
Rule #1: Don't be an Asshole. Leave your Asshole friends at home, too
I honestly shouldn't have to explain this, but considering there are assholes out there who still try and enter a subway when you're supposed to let passengers off first, I need to spell shit out for everyone.
This is a fun little gathering where you can get drunk with your buddies AND the proceeds go towards charitable foundations. Don't celebrate Christmas? Really not a problem. Come dressed as a menorah or a mermaid (wow, 2 mythical creature references in one article?) for all anyone cares. However, if you and your buddies are the type of people that when they get a little alcohol in them suddenly thinks everyone wants to pick a fight with you, leave your Grinch ass at home. You guys are the ones fucking things up for the rest of us happy little Elves, causing the po-po (that's slang for "police") to come in and start shutting things down.
Here's a better idea: stay home, drink with your friends and fight each other. Everyone wins.
Rule #2: Leave the half naked, slutty Santa/Whatever costume at home
SantaCon doesn't just happen in NYC, so if you're participating in California, go ahead and wear the above. If you're in NYC, leave that shit at home along with your asshole friends. I've been a sexy pirate, sexy ref, sexy pilot, sexy jester and a sexy Victorian horseback rider, (because I think outside of the motherflippin box) but I've always taken the weather into account.
If you do decide to go ahead and slut it up anyway, I do not want to hear you whining about (A) how cold you are or (B) how all these "gross, creepy" guys are ogling you.
Rule #3: Bring cash for food and drinks
It's going to be waaaaaaaay too crowded with all that holiday cheer for you to whip out your credit card. Cash will make transactions faster, which your servers will appreciate. Also, bring a metro card, two non-perishable food items for Santa’s food drive, Gifts, games, props, and performances to entertain Santas and strangers alike, have on comfortable footwear (again, this is common sense, but some people...) and "your jolly fucking Christmas spirit."
Rule #4: It's a marathon, not a race
Don't be a moron, eat breakfast (something carby and fatty, mmmmm) before you head out. Pace yourself. Hydrate with something not alcohol. Have a buddy check system for damn sake. This event is long, take breaks along the way so you can party till the late hours of the night. There is no shame for taking a breather, only the highest level of shame for puking, passing out or being that fool who is rolling around on the sidewalk only 2 hours into the event.
I am hoping some of you mess up though, because my friends and I made special bingo cards for the event tomorrow, and I'm counting on spotting some of you hot messes to improve my score.
Those are the basics, I trust you all to go out tomorrow and not make complete fools of yourselves (HAHAHAHAHA NO TRUST WHATSOEVER) If any of my fellow Insticators are heading out tomorrow, make me proud. I know you'll be the level headed ones judging everyone else. I love you guys.