Royally Knocked Up

I'll be honest, I don't really know much about the current British Royal family, mostly because I am not British. I think I know more about King Henry VIII's family (wives: divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived. CATCHY!), so when I was asked to blog about Kate and Will's expected bundle of joy, I had to put together a list of what I actually knew.

Things I for sure know about Will and Kate:

  1. They are married.
  2. Kate is pregnant.
  3. People seem to think Kate is having twins because she has acute morning sickness and was hospitalized for it
  4. A nurse that was pranked by an Australian radio station into believing they were part of the Royal family and needed to speak with Kate's Head Nurse killed herself. :(
  5. Will's brother, Harry, was caught partying naked in Las Vegas this year.
  6. Will has a bad case of premature balding.
  7. The internet seems to think Kate's sister, Pippa, has a nice butt.

Conclusion: I need to bring in an expert.

I reached out to my Resident All Things British Expert and Friend, Jackie. Here's what I was able to garner from her:

  1. If the baby is a girl, she'll be the first woman to be first in line in the succession without the lack of male relatives.
  2. The baby will be the first royal to be born in the digital age with so much coverage from basically conception.
  3. Will cleared his schedule to stay with her while she's sick which is ADORABLE (that's literally verbatim from my source.)
  4. Kate Middleton is a perfect human being and the child will be perfect too (again, my source, not necessarily fact.)
  5. The baby will of course attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when it is of age.

Okay, that last one might not be 100% accurate, but I know all my Harry Potterheads are getting a chuckle out of the Philosoraptor joke. Don't get it? That's probably because you're one of those jerks who made fun of us "nerds" for reading Harry Potter, so you don't get to enjoy the joke. HA!

Back on track...

The possibility of Kate being pregnant with twins is interesting. First one that pops out gets the crown. "But wait!" I hear you say, "What if it's a C-Section?" First one the Doc yanks out gets the crown. This is all starting to sound very Game of Thrones to me.


If she is pregnant with twins, I think the more ambitious fetus should eat the other fetus, securing the crown in their favor (could a fetus eat another fetus!?)

Then Parliament comes in, because it has nothing better to do, and starts making laws about what's going on inside a women's uterus. HEY PARLIAMENT, DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TED AKIN? LOLZ.

Seriously, as it stands now, if Kate pops out a girl first and a boy second, the boy still gets next in line for the throne. WTF!?. I went back to my resident All Things British expert and nearly got my damned head chewed off for not knowing all the facts. Apparently, Parliament voted and this rule will be thrown out in 2013. Parliament literally changed a rule just for Kate and Will's kid.

Talk about getting the Royal Treatment...

I'm gonna take us out with a video that will leave you with a warm case of the fuzzies. Peep Willate (is this a thing? Can we make it a thing?) visiting a children's cancer unit: