Everybody Hit and Run

Alongside coke habits and pathological narcissism, celebrities seem to have another thing in common: a love of hit and runs. Amanda Bynes has been getting the most press for this hobby lately (that and for being batshit crazy,) but she’s definitely not alone.

While I’m pretty laissez-faire about how people get their kicks, I do generally draw the line at crashing a moving vehicle into people/other things and then fleeing the scene. Which I think is fair.

What is particularly confusing to me about this celebrity trend is the balls/stupidity it must take for them to think they can get away with it. Sure, Amanda Bynes isn’t the biggest celebrity in the world, and even though I didn’t watch Nick growing up (Disney all the way,) I could recognize the Bynes Bloat anywhere. So why, oh why, do they imagine they can get away with it? Of allllllll the crimes, hit and runs really, truly require at least some level of anonymity to get away with.

Not to be told what they can and cannot do, here are some celebrity hit and runners.

Lindsay Lohan


In news that’s not news, Lindsay Lohan is a terrible driver and makes awful decisions. In news that’s kind of news, those two characteristics have led to her getting into a of pretty sticky hit and run situation. On September 14th, she was involved in a “low-speed crash” in The Meatpacking District in NYC, when she hit a pedestrian with her Porsche. As much as I hate to play devil’s advocate here, if you’ve ever been to the Meatpacking on a Thursday night you can kinda understand how this would happen. Retarded, drunken pedestrians take the neighborhood’s cobblestone streets as an indication that they have carte blanche to walk wherever they please, whenever they please - so it wouldn’t surprise me if it wasn’t Lindsay’s Porsche that ran into this dude, but rather this dude who ran into the Porsche.

Still. Lindsay probbbbably shouldn’t have just gone into a club right after it happened. And meanwhile, our favorite little blowfish, is taking out her anger on Twitter at the hit and run princess of the day, Mandy Bynes: “Why did I get put in jail and a Nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?”

Wiz Khalifa


Shocking that a man with face tattoos would be capable of such a thing, but on September 19th after wrapping a music video shoot, Wiz smashed into a woman who was working on the music video’s car, and then just drove away. I guess we shouldn’t expect anything less from the man who brought us “Black and Yellow.”

Amanda Bynes


Mandy is going through a full-on Britney circa 2007 style meltdown and I don’t even feel guilty saying that I’m really, really enjoying it. Alongside her newfound love of talking to inanimate objects, Bynes also can’t seem to keep her car from hitting other cars. It all started in April, when she ran into a police car (wasn’t able to run from that one though.) Then a few days later, she hit another (non-police) car and immediately fled the scene. She managed to keep it together for a bit, but on August 4th, she rear-ended some lady and then drove off without giving her insurance info (allegedly, of course, always allegedly.)  Her car has since been impounded and Mandy has fled to NYC.

January Jones


In 2010 Betty Draper lost control of her Range Rover, crashed into two parked cars, and then got of her car and walked away. While this case was eventually dropped - she apparently left her drivers license with a witness and wasn’t running away but going to call help - one detail remains a mystery. Instead of calling any number of normal people for help (the police, a friend, a boyfriend, her insurance company,) January called (married) celebrity chef Bobby Flay, because she was thinking about getting her kitchen redone so had his business card on her... I know it’s off-topic, but do ya think Flay could be January’s mystery baby daddy?

Heather Locklear


Even though Heather’s hit and run happened at 4am when she was almost certainly driving under the influence of something, at least all she hit was a street sign.

Halle Berry


In 2000 Halle ran a red light, crashed into another woman’s car, and then immediately left the scene of the accident. Even though she’s one of the most recognizable women on the planet, in all likelihood she probably would’ve gotten away with it if she hadn’t turned up in an ER a few hours later with a gash requiring 22 stitches on her forehead.

LeAnn Rimes


Long before LeAnn Rimes Twitter rehab debacle, she was en route to see now-husband Eddie Cibrian when she had a minor accident and kept on driving. Charges were eventually dropped because the geniuses at LAPD concluded she “had no idea that she’d hit another car,” which really is just great police work, because when one 2-ton metal box hits another 2-ton metal box, it really is barely noticeable.