Have you guys heard of MTV’s Catfish? I’ll admit, when my friend first told me about it I thought it was another 'rednecks catching fish' show (which I don’t understand how these are still on the air.) She insisted the show was “nuts” and was about people in online relationships who have never met. I filed it away in the back of my mind, and it popped up again this past Saturday when I noticed the show was running a marathon. I figured ‘what the heck’ and hunkered down to see what the hype was about.
Dear mother of God…
Look, if you’ve been “dating” someone online for an extended period of time and they keep coming up with excuses as to why they can’t meet, (or even video chat, I mean COME ON) your B.S. detector should immediately sound off. Some of these people are in these online relationships for 10 years. 10 YEARS. How in the hell do you go 10 years without meeting the person you’re “dating”?
In the first episode, we meet Sunny who thinks she is "dating" this guy:
Without having any sort of face to face interaction, Sunny and Jamison have already discussed marriage and babies. What mythical land do these people come from that you can decide to have babies with someone you've never met? Does this work with celebrities? In that case, I am going to have British actor Benedict Cumberbatch's babies.
Now remember who Sunny thought she was dating? (Seriously, how could you forget, I just posted a picture of him not 2 minutes ago. Scroll up for a reminder, damn...) Turns out this is Jamison:
Turns out Jamison is actually Chelsea, who has been doing this to other people for 4 years. Sure, you can argue that she's doing this because she's been made fun of her whole life and sees this as a way to have power over people, but WTF!? That's time and energy I need to direct towards having Cumberbatch's babies (I'm gonna get them babies, Benny) or at the very least, finding the cure for cancer.
Now you get the gist of it. Thus far, all of these people are not whom they appear to be, leading to heartbreak and humiliation on the innocent party's side. There is a cure for that.
My jaw didn't really drop till episode episode 4, which made me lose all hope in humanity (just kidding, never had any in the first place!)
We meet Jasmine, who has been in an online relationship with Mike, for 2 years. This is Mike:
Jasmine goes on to say how Mike is so special because he really understands her and a bunch of other shit you'd find in a cheap romance novel. When our team does a little investigating, they see Mike is Facebook friends with Triggs, Jasmine's ex. He's also Facebook friends with a girl named Ceena who writes on his wall, and the team give her a call. Ceena says that Mike is engaged and has 2 children.
Something isn't right here.
A meeting is finally set up between the two. Guys, meet Mike:
Now you're saying "big deal, you already told us about a guy really being a girl." Nah, gather round little ones while I give you the deets.
This is Mhissy (who the hell names their kid that?) Mhissy and Jasmine know each other. Primarily because Mhissy is dating Jasmine's ex, Triggs. I'll give you a moment to figure that out and let it settle in.
Ready to continue?
Jasmine and Mhissy once met at the mall and exchanged phone numbers. They got to talking about who they're "talking to" (for whatever insane reason, this is slang for "dating," which is confusing because the two girls are talking to each other...) Apparently, Mhissy was hanging out with Triggs. She asked Jasmine to stop getting in contact with him, and when she wouldn't stop, Mhissy made a plan to get Jasmine off Triggs back. You know what that means?
It means this crazy bitch made a fake Facebook account for Mike, a fake Facebook account for Ceena (oh yeah, she played that role too) and kept this pseudo-relationship up with Jasmine for 2 years. I don't give a rats ass (not like I have any lying around to give) that Mhissy lost her baby when she was 16 or that her sister is in jail for attacking their mother. Look, I have a lot of people I don't care for (and they know who they are ) but to keep up a lie for 2 years, day in and day out, is exhausting. AND RIDICULOUS.
Will I continue to watch this show? You bet. I can only hope and pray that the confrontations yield even more absurd results.