Catfish: The Parody

We're big fans of MTV's Catfish for several reasons. It's one of those shows where you just can't believe the person we meet first is so gullible to believe lies like expired passports, terminally ill relatives and oh, not even being able to video chat with their beloved FOR YEARS!

It's like COME ON. You want to give up in annoyance, but you don't, because you are addicted and need to see what happens next.

In a recent episode, our boy Rico was in love with an "international model" named 

Ja’mari. Of course, Ja'mari doesn't have any of his professional photos on his Facebook page...not sketchy or anything.



I'm not going to lie, I did a little fist pump when Rico and Ja'mari first get together, because Ja'mari is actually the person in the photo! Catfish victory!

Oh but wait, it turns out his name is James and he's actually a bus driver who lives at home with his mom. Womp womp. So that victory was short lived, but somehow Rico overcame this after having a sad mopey session and we were left feeling pretty okay about the situation.

We have to bring to light this hysterical video, made by our pals over at Dormtainment. Our boys are pretty much on point in capturing the shows message. What's your take?

Gay for Xenu?

So before I write anything at all about Scientology, I want to acknowledge two things. First, Scientology is a notoriously litigious religion/cult/group of psychopaths. Second, satire is a form of protected speech under the first amendment, so suck it.

Hey John Travolta, whatcha doing over there?

Hey John Travolta, whatcha doing over there?

With Tom Cruise’s last divorce (his third!) rumors have predictably and inevitable begun re-circulating about his alleged flamingly gayness. Rumors such as: he’s not Suri’s bio-dad, his marriages to Katie and Nicole were huge shames, and he likes to have sex with men.

Lucky for Tom he’s not alone in his possible closetedness - he has a whole network of gay celebrity Xenu lovers to talk to. Likesuchas:

John Travolta


I meannnnnnn, look at the face. How is this surprising to anyone? Johnny, not only had a six-year affair with his very male pilot (allegedly, allegedly, of course I mean allegedly,) he also is in the middle of a five different lawsuits from hotel masseurs who were groped during a massage.

Will Smith



There have been quiet rumors about Will since his Fresh Prince days, but now that his marriage to Jada is getting bumpy, the rumors are starting to amplify. FOR INSTANCE, word on the street is that his BFF Duane Martin (yeah, I had to Google him, too) is actually his boyfriend.

Personally, I wouldn't be surprised, but I wouldn't be surprised if every single man in Hollywood is gay. I mean, how many straight boys were in Theater Club in your high school?

Jenna Elfman



There actually aren’t any rumors about Jenna Elfman being a lesbian, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start them.

Note: There is nothing "wrong" or "dirty" or "shameful" about being gay. Love who you want! IT'S ALL FINE!

Anyone have any good theories about why all the (maybe, possibly, definitely not proven) gayness in Scientology? The only things I can come up with are: that since Scientology claims to be able to “cure” homosexuality, gay stars join in hopes that they’ll start liking the opposite sex OR that the church has some evidence proving they’re gay, and they blackmail them with that evidence to force them to join so they can take all their money.

Thoughts? Discuss.

2013 Super Bowl Ads: Our Favs and Not-So-Favs

So this thing called "The Super Bowl" was on last night, which was the pre-show and after-show hype for the SPECTACULAR AND AMAZING BEYONCE CONCERT! Seriously, did you see Sasha Fierce work it last night? Home girl was on point, thank you very much to all the haters.

So other than the awesome half-time show, the Super Bowl is known to have some pretty sweet ads (people actually claim they watch the game just for the ads, but that's ridiculous. There is a reason there is no TV station dedicated to just ads.) A lot of the ads were pretty "meh," but I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too (who wants to just look at cake, though!?)

Let's look at some of our favorites ads from last night, as well as ones that aren't winning any trophies from us any time soon.

Okay, so let's get this one right out of the way so that you won't be too grossed out to eat your lunch. GoDaddy, nobody likes you for a reason so creeping us out isn't doing you any favors.

Was the close up necessary? Look, our bone that we're picking isn't that Hot Chick A gets it on with Nerdy Boy B. It was the close up and those, ughhh, sounds that did us in. Everyone in the room just got kind of quiet and it felt like we were all witnessing a train wreck. It happened so fast that none of us thought to grab the remote and change the channel.

Basically, we all wanted to take a shower after, because somehow we felt dirty after viewing that ad.

For this ad, it doesn't hurt that my friends and I are big fans of Dubstep and Electric Dance Music. We appreciate the fine art of "dropping the bass," so add in a cute baby, perfectly timed drops with said baby and some slow motion? We cheered. We honest to God cheered.

If you saw this commercial and did not say "awwwwwwwwww" or feel warmth and happiness go through your heart, we're going to go ahead and say that you have no soul.

I don't even care how not possible this is in real life, so all of you neigh-sayers (HAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) can sip your haterade elsewhere. Let's just all sit back and enjoy a loving story about a man and his horse. And beer.

We're going to give honorable mention to Best Buy's ad featuring Amy Poehler because, come on, it's Amy Poehler. Also, we don't know what a dongle is, but it got a chuckle out of us. And while it wasn't terrible per say, the 2 Broke Girls ad felt a little unneccesary. 

Still, anything is better than listening to two people quite audibly make out for a few seconds.

Make sure to share your favorite and least favorite Super Bowl ads with us in the comments below!

Top 5 Pieces of "Proof" that Justin Bieber is a Girl

Do you remember the good ol' days of Maury Povich, where every episode was NOT a paternity test? Like when he had on Jack Hanna and cute animals, or people with absolutely ridiculous phobias?

But the absolute BEST of Maury's wacky show back in the day was when they held their "Man or Woman" pageants. A dozen or so beautiful "ladies" would strut about in formal wear, bathing suit wear and perform a talent, all while audience members would go back and forth deciding if the she was really a she. 

Seriously, audience members would get all CSI/SVU/NCIS up in there, pointing out hand size, hip placement and cheekbone structure that determined if what they were looking at was a man or woman.

So, why are we bringing any of this up anyway? We've placed ourselves in the role of "Maury Show Audience Sex Expert" (official title!) and have come to believe that there is a he out there that isn't really a he

Ladies and Gentleman, we present the top 5 pieces of "proof" that Justin Bieber is actually a girl.

Yeah, we hired extra security cause all of JB's "Beliebers" are going to be foaming at the mouth in rage pretty soon...

Yeah, we hired extra security cause all of JB's "Beliebers" are going to be foaming at the mouth in rage pretty soon...

1. He Did Not Get Mariah Yeater Pregnant


Have your parents sat you down and told you all about the birds and the bees? No? Oh God, this is gonna be awkward...okay so when a man loves a woman....

Anyway, look: if you want to make a baby, you need one man and one woman (unless you have a super cool scientific lab somewhere, then I'm sure anything is possible.) So when Mariah Yeater popped up and said she had sex with Justin backstage and pooped out this little miracle 9 months later, we were skeptical.

Then we became hella skeptical when Justin practically shouted "LET'S DO DNA TESTS, I'LL PROVE THAT THING ISN'T MINE!"

Why? Because sex between two girls doesn't produce a baby. BOOM! Science all up in your FACE! We aren't speculating if JB is a lesbian, but if he-she-it is, still no babies being made. Smart move, Justin.

2. Boobgate Scandal 2013


Do you have eyes? (I don't think our blog comes in braille just yet...) Good, so you can clearly see what's happening in this picture: Our Boygirl JB is groping a fair amount of fan boobage.

Simple, right? No.

The photo was posted and then removed from Bieber’s official fan site, Um, okay, that's not questionable or anything. Super not questionable now that both parties are denying it, too.

Melissa Victor, Bieber’s publicist, tells FOX411 the singer did not grab the girl’s chest, but was ‘moving his hand away from hugging her’ as the picture was being taken.

The girl in the photo, who goes simply by Jocelyn on her Twitter account, seems to corroborate Victor.

’IM DYING HAHAHAHHAHA IT LOOKS LIKE JUSTIN’S TOUCHING MY BOOB IN THE PICTURE,’ she tweeted, before adding somewhat more cryptically. ‘People can think what they want but I know what really happened & Justin does too so everyone else’s opinions don’t matter to me.’
— Fox News

First of all, let's just take a moment to appreciate the fact that Fox News has deemed this worthy to cover.

What young blooded man denies copping a feel? If JB really is the bad boy he'd like us to believe, he should be all over the social media circuit like "YEAH, I FELT IT, WHATCHU GONNA DO ABOUT IT!?"

So we're guessing Justin isn't a lesbian after all...

3. This Face


Just LOOK at that face! Daaaaaayum, you lookin' real lady-cute over there, JB. Go on, tell us that is not one pretty face!

You know who gets both ears pierced? Ladies.

4. He Suffers from PMS

JB, honey, it's okay. Billions upon billions of women suffer from PMS, you don't need to hide it like you're just being "grumpy." Your fans care about you and don't want to see you in pain, so you should just admit that it's that "time of the month" and they will send you so many chocolates and cramp medications that you could have a mansion devoted to just those two things (this sounds like a pretty sweet idea, actually.)

Also, JB, check in with your gynecologist  she should be able to give you something to keep your crazy lady hormones in check. :)

5. Not only is he a lady, but he's a time traveling lady!


This is the cover of an album called "12,000 Girl Scouts Sing America's National Favorites" that was released in the 60's. The picture appeared on Reddit, titled "Justin Bieber was a Girl Scout in the 60's?"

Yeah. That's totally Justin Bieber. I mean, COME ON! We do not need to call in a forensics team to prove that this is on point. By now, you should totally be not shocked about Justin really being a girl, but JUSTIN IS A TIME TRAVELER.

With that being said, Justin is kind of a dick for not using these time traveling abilities to, you know, stop Hitler, but I guess cookies were a big deal. Go figure.

That's our top 5, Insticators. Got a counter argument? We'd love to hear it! Drop us a line in the comments or over at our Facebook page.

P.S. If Bieber is a lesbian or just a gay boy, that's cool. We love and support all walks of life.

Except for Hitler.

And Racists.

And Homophobes.

Well, you get the point, Insticators.